I’ve been coming off my antidepressants as I’ve been coping so well with everything, until Tuesday when I hit a wall.
Dr G suggested starting to wean myself off my sertraline that I’ve been on for years. I had PND after William and it lead to Depression, and Generalised Anxiety Disorder then later on OCD. They are never going to go away completely but considering the amount of medication I’m currently on, trying to cut some out is a good idea. Mainly because my weight problem is due to my medication, as weight gain is a major side effect.
I’ve worked my way down to 50mg from 150 and I was fine until I was just on 50. Now I’m feeling everything. I’m not depressed or anxious, but I am being affected by everything that’s going on around me, when before while I was on a higher dose I was being wrapped in the comfort of my bubble wrap meds, cushioning the blow to my emotions.
So I’ve been dealing with that, and now I’m really starting to notice my memory problems and my inability to form a sentence and get my words out. When I can get my words out I confuse them for other words. For example I will ask Izzy to shut the light and turn off the door. Or I will forget what I’m saying halfway through a sentence. Making me feel like a complete idiot.
I can’t remember watching certain programs on tv, watching the television awards was an eye opener, when Izzy and Martin knew I had watched something with them but I had no memory of it. Or who was on strictly last year.
I’ll pay a bill, then 10 minutes later go to pay it again.
All medication needs to be written down because I will take it twice forgetting it’s already been taken.
So Tuesday I spent the day crying and generally feeling sorry for myself. I had an appointment with my lovely respiratory nurse Kat. As soon as we got into her room she knew I was a bit down, I tried to put my normal happy face on but I just couldn’t keep it up and ended up blubbering in front of her. It’s not the first time I had a melt down at the hospital and at least this time it didn’t end in a panic attack and me peeing myself!!
It was a good thing in the end because she made me tell her everything that was on my mind and hopefully I’m now going to get a little help for some of it. I’m being referred to some sort of memory type clinic. Hopefully to give me exercises for my brain. To think in my salon days where I would have 2-3 colour clients a day I didn’t need to write any formulas down. I never consulted their record card unless they had a change, and that was for other stylists in case they ended up with them.
I knew everything in my head. Now I can’t remember what I had for breakfast let alone what I had for dinner last night!
So the conclusion to my antidepressants is that I’m stopping at 50mg, for now anyway. I need a little something to cushion the blow that is 10 months of trauma. I’m talking to Dr G today, and I’m sure she will agree. I’m also now being tested for ADHD alongside Izzy who’s looking into it now she’s starting University. It’s something we have both always suspected.
Hopefully you have all been keeping safe and healthy.
Thank you for reading my blog I’m really honoured that you still find the time to take an interest. I really enjoy writing these blogs on the rare occasion that I have something new to say.
Another thing… C19-vaccine boosters are out soon, so make sure if your eligible you get it. It’s really important we carry on fighting this awful disease. It’s not gone yet and getting complacent will only result in it coming back with a vengeance.
lots of love
Bex xxx
🌈💕
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