I feel like I was an innocent bystander in a terrible accident that wasn’t my fault. And I’ve been left with life changing injuries.
My life is completely different, I need to learn to get on with it I know that but I just feel stuck at the moment.
I’m still struggling 10 months on to do anything by myself. Getting washed, dressed. Doing my hair. I doubt I will be able to drive by myself either for a long time yet because I can’t go out alone, me going out is like taking out a newborn baby. I have ‘luggage’. There’s my bag with the normal keys, purse and phone. Then in addition there’s all my meds so a lovely cath kidston handbag has been replaced with a lovely cath kidston rucksack. I also have an oxygen tank and either a wheelchair or mobility scooter. I’m still waiting for my motorbility car to fit it all in and martins car is a mini so going out as a family anywhere decent is completely out because we can’t fit the kids in alongside my luggage. Even with one of the kids it’s a tight fit. So I just let them go without me, it’s easier and I feel less like a burden but even more like a recluse, and a very big bit left out. When I do go out people stare. That’s not nice. I had my nose cannula in at the supermarket the other day and my oxygen in a trolley when a little kid asked me if I was a pig 🐷 I felt like telling the little shit to piss off but I just turned and looked the other way. I swear his mum heard him too. Mortifying.
I couldn’t have my little niece Sadie over this week as she caught a cold. I was heartbroken not to mention feeling like I let my grown up niece down who was going to a wedding.
I’m just generally fed up to be honest and this week even wondered what the point is that I survived if all I’m doing is existing stuck in my house. Most people are too scared to come and see me in case they give me a cold or other illness. Martin is also weary of that. Everyone is busy getting on with life after covid but I’m still stuck here on covid island. With my baskets full of crafts and endless box sets, watching the world go by on Facebook and instagram.
Bex
💕🌈
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