Sob story

I started writing and posting about my experience as a way of therapy with the added bonus of raising a little bit of awareness to the effects of covid.

To begin with it was all praise for what I wrote but now people have started to make comments. I think maybe they are sick of hearing about covid because they are fed up with the restrictions it has on their lives.

If I see people moaning about wearing a mask or saying covid isn’t real I will try and let them know why we need to or that it is real and it happened to me. I’m definitely real and so are my symptoms but then I’m using my sob story to get attention or sympathy. I can assure the naysayers that I definitely don’t want attention for sympathy ❤️‍🩹 you can keep that. I do however want attention to raise awareness to make people act, so the pressure is then taken off of those doctors and nurses.

It’s also so other families don’t go through the trauma that mine have.

I’ll have a little vent on Facebook occasionally because it’s my own personal profile so I can share what I like… only to then be told that I should think about people who have lost family members or the doctors and nurses and what they’ve been through, as if I don’t! I was there and saw it first hand.

I already feel guilt for feeling hard done by sometimes but why shouldn’t I? Yes I’m alive, and yes I’m thankful but I’ve also gone through a massive trauma and as my respiratory nurse has told me numerous times I don’t have to always put a brave face on it. I’m allowed to feel what I’m feeling.

If I had a lasting injury you could see like the loss of a leg, rather than scarring on my lungs, I wouldn’t have to explain myself, and the grief for my leg would be expected, but it’s hidden unless I’m wearing my oxygen. But when that little voice in your head says “your not dead, Becca, so be more grateful“ and then someone else says the same you second guess yourself.

I’ve spent the last 24 hours thinking I should maybe stop posting about my experience’s with this illness. We have tragically lost family members in recent years and in comparison to that I do have it good. I know that, but I’m looking at the bigger picture so I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t like what you see, don’t look. not in a bad attitudey kind of way but a respectful agree to disagree way. If my story convinced one person to get the jab or wear a mask that prevents their loved ones becoming seriously ill, or makes someone feel less alone because they are in the same position as me then I’m comfortable writing my inner ramblings.

If one of my nurses reads this (I know some of you do🌈💕) I get to tell them how grateful I am that they put their lives on the line to save me. They got me back to my family. Your all fanbloodytastic! The nurse with the beautiful curls who I tried to tell her she had when I woke up with the trachy and couldn’t speak, Emma who kept my spirits up by having a laugh with me. The dr who I jokingly told to F off when he made me keep my trachy in for a bit longer. Alex, the male nurse who cut his own hair that i noticed when he was there as I woke up the second time. The numerous nurses who I can’t remember their names but will never forget the top half of their faces 😷 I’m so grateful to you all!! The one nurse who convinced the doctor to let me out for 5 minutes to see my family outside It literally took an army with all the equipment, leading me to my lovely squaddies Liam and Dominic who are the only names I remember but your faces are all in my head. I think of you often. 🥰

The physio who snuck Martin in to the ward to calm me down during a panic attack. The nurse who said it’s lovely to see your beautiful blue eyes when I first woke up. Or the way they all laughed and loved how they knew when the phone rang it would be Martin because he rang at 7.30am and 9pm every day.

Now I have Kat who is my rock and puts me at ease every time I visit and who’s on call via text whenever I need her. Dr VS who has been overseeing my long drawn out recovery, and kate my aftercare nurse from ICU. I don’t need to be told to think about them because I carry them with me everyday, they live with me in my memories and in my heart 🌈🥰 they are my motivation as well as my family it’s because of their sacrifices that I’m here To tell my story. ❤️💛💜💙🧡💚