So I’ve had a lot going on today… this morning I got to go and see my GP for the first time since covid and lockdown kicked in, we discussed me coming off my antidepressants as my mood has improved so much, apart from the crying sessions I’ve had, but that is to be expected. Dr G and I feel my mood has improved enough for me to start weaning myself off. Im really happy about that as the meds I’m on don’t help with my weight gain and is possibly the reason why I’m piling the pounds back on. That and I’m not as unwell as I was. I know its a proper fatty person thing to say but I really don’t eat that much! I eat something for breakfast like toast or cereal, but then I quite often don’t eat anything until dinnertime, that mixed in with dairy being cut out completely taking away a big chunk of fat from my diet it baffles me as to why I’m the size I am. The only thing I can point to is meds and maybe not doing enough exercise at the moment, but I’m doing what my limitations let me. Im obviously going to have to start counting calories, but thats so boring! I know what a healthy diet looks like as I was stuck in hospital for so long and I struggled to eat everything I was given at the time. I also enjoy exercise and going to the gym including swimming. It makes me feel better. I have bought a little note pad so I’m going to start writing everything down. I imagine the savoury tooth I have doesn’t help but that has just been either popcorn or rice crisps and in my defence they are meant to be healthier!! But I suppose I will have to put a stop to that now too.
Then this afternoon I went to the hospital to meet Dr V-S for the first time, and my nurse Kat. She was so lovely and explained everything really well. Apparently they recon I have had the raised right diaphragm from birth. Thats a bit shocking but I lived this long with it not causing too many problems that she thinks I can avoid having a big operation to correct it. They would put in mesh to hold it down in place, but its pretty invasive surgery and quite frankly Ive been through enough, and I seem to be recovering well.
Its now something that they would be able to detect in the womb and If they discovered it now there would be the option to have an operation in utero.
She asked if I had noticed any breathlessness before covid and yes I did but I’ve always been a chunky monkey so I put it down to that, and to be honest I’m not sure what its meant to feel like normally anyway.
I had some shitty news too, but I need to remember that I’m alive, I survived… I will have to be ventilated at night for the rest of my life, Ive got used to the bipap machine but I still don’t like it, and saw it as a necessary evil while I was recovering. I now have to get used to having it forever. This is really shit! Imagine being a 40 year old woman who has a sexy husband, wearing a mask at night, not forgetting the silk bonnet to protect my hair! I’m a cross between cooking mama and a fighter pilot! Last time I checked Martin wasn’t into that kind of kinky stuff, so it’s a bit of a passion killer.
All jokes aside he deserves so much more than to be just my carer for the rest of my life and I hate that he has to do it, no matter how many times he tells me he loves me and is blessed I came back to him. I can’t help feeling I’m a massive burden.
Another thing that happened was I was officially diagnosed with Asthma! I tend to get quite wheezy in the late afternoons and early evening, I also cough at night. These are all signs of Asthma, who knew! Well me I knew, but I obviously decided that it wasn’t for me. I know I was given a blue inhaler for my dodgy breathing when I left hospital the first time, but that was post covid and I didn’t really entertain the idea of me being Asthmatic that much, but it looks like I’m going to have to get on with it now.
Again I can’t praise the NHS enough. At every turn I have been treated with the upmost dignity and respect, from the paramedics to doctors, nurses, my GP. Receptionists at my local surgery. The carers, physio’s and specialists. The cleaning staff who would stop for a chat, the caterers who bought my food, the staff at the chemist, and the pharmacist who took an interest in my case. The air ambulance/critical care crew, Your all superstars and you should all be so proud of yourselves.
I’m not forgetting my own personal Mrs Hinch Jess! She’s a superstar! For some mad reason she loves to clean so much that she’s made a pretty successful career out of it! On top of looking after 2 preschool boys!
Family and friends too.
I’m forever grateful to everyone that’s helped.
Thank you won’t ever be enough.
It’s been 24 hours since I started writing this post and I’ve had time for my news to sink in.
I’m that time I’ve also seen people on my Facebook including apparent family members belittling Covid and the vaccine. It makes me so bloody cross. This awful disease has basically ruined my life, because I’m stubborn I will not let it beat me and I’m happy I’m here with my family, but it really upsets me that people are so fucking stupid.
Do they not have a brain, I’m not a liar. I haven’t been brainwashed. I have experienced everything that the news reports on. My family have been through unimaginable trauma. It’s real! The vaccine works! I promise you a few side effects are nothing compared to the shit me and my family have gone through. Please please listen to me. It’s not worth it.
Bex💕🌈
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